Friday, June 17, 2016

Is it the GOD Or Is it the human who serves him

Is it the GOD
Is it the human who serves him
Who is closer to you
Depends on who influences you most
I guess, yes, just a guess

I will narrate my experience
Yours might be different
And you can write one up
I will be eager to read it

My grand pa was close
Close to the god
He served him all his life
His father did
And his fathers father did
And his fathers fathers father did
And his......
Yes, for so many centuries

He was close to me
Than the god himself
And he was the one who introduced me to god
Just not God, he introduced me to many other things
The concept of it
The educative part of it
The learning part of it
He was diligent
He was very strict
There was a protocol
If you missed that protocol, you got what you deserved
I still have the etchings of his "toDapASam" in my heart
When I chant something wrong his voice wakes me up
Involuntarily my hand goes and touches my ear and my lips
It is a way of saying sorry
To him or to the god ?
I donot know

I love that old man
So much that when he was gone, I lost it
I lost the chanting power
I lost the brain exercise
I lost my god
I did not do anything diligently for few years
But then, there was a dream
Whether you believe or not - I dont care
He was in my dream
He was standing that tall
He whispered, what is wrong with you? Why did you leave it?
There was jolt.
I was shaken
And I decided to return
Yes, to my routine
Slowly but steadily

By that time, I forgot almost everything
Everything what he taught me
But then my grand pa knew it may be ?
Or may be he himself descended in Subba Rao's form
Who is Subba Rao, you may ask
He is the head priest in our temple
Siddhi Vinayaka temple
He is my guru
He is about 65 years old
But he's young at heart

He serves the god
As diligently as my grand pa
He saw me one day
A pradosham day
It was by accident
11 years ago

I did not know that it was pradosham
I went to get some peace and some blessing
And yes, there was peace

Sivabhishekam was going on
I was muttering rudram, in my self
Just trying to recollect the broken pieces
He saw that
After all was done, he called me aside
You, you seem to know rudram, but why are you murmuring ?
I was shocked, because that murmur was my grand pa's word
The grand old man never liked murmur
Though he was a soft speaker himself, he never liked murmur
I said to Subba Rao garu, I don't know, may be I did not want to disturb others
Subba Rao garu smiled and said can I see you this sunday morning ? Please!
I said yes and I went
It was gaNapati abhishEkam
And he made me sit by his side
The other priest was doing the abishekam
Subba Rao garu said, lets start rudram, and I want you to chant it loud with me
I was stunned
I did not do that in a long time
I, I , I.... was stutterring
There was large crowd
They were looking at me, I thought
I was embarassed
He saw my hesitation and he stood up
I said Oh, oh to myself
But he went and got a "mahAnyAsam" book
Opened the pages and handed it over to me
Said - lets do it
And I did
Without any mistakes

And from then on, I never missed the chant

He was there for me to revive all my uccAraNa
He taught me taittirIyOpanishat
He taught me many
He makes me sit by him
He summons me
He corrects me
With out any hesitation
Just like my grand pa

Ramanavami, Dasara, Vinayaka Chaviti - just not one, I was sitting beside him for each every abhishekam, festivity and what not

Now, he is gone from the temple
He went on a india trip
He decided to retire, may be
He did not tell me
Rumors are that he may not come back

It has been a while already
I now am slowly losing it
I can see that my history is repeating
I have lost the interest to go to the temple
I am doing it at my home

But there is no peace
There is this "alajaDi"
There is this something missing feeling
I just go to the temple like a robot
Do things and come back

And he is not even my relative
May be more than a relative, he is my guru?
Is that why ?

Is human bonding more influential?
Is that a destiny that almighty writes on your forehead?

May be!

But I dearly wish him to come back
I do... And hope the god is listening

I will be waiting

(June 17, 2016)

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